


Zingled

by rhythmicAmnesia (rythmicArsenic)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Zingled Chat, whatisthisidont
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-20 03:25:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rythmicArsenic/pseuds/rhythmicAmnesia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A zingled chat. Because I wanted to post something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Girl Scouts, Robot Clones and Shitty Trainers

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I tried being John so I guess I sucked a little. But this conversation was hilarious I just wanted to post it here. But it got cut off and i was so sad. ._.
> 
> Oh poor poor egderp.

Looking for someone to chat with... (so, please wait)  
You are now chatting with a person, say hi.  
▼: sneak a peak at rumps of all sizes free trial at http://plushrump.com/  
▲: oh my god dave  
▼: what  
▲: are you advertising?  
▼: a guys got to make a living  
▼: ill have you know bro pays me twenty bucks an hour to do this shit  
▲: wow  
▼: so i sold my soul  
▲: for twenty bucks an hour?  
▼: theres this awful pair of sneakers that cost like five hundred bucks  
▼: ugliest piece of garbage ive ever seen  
▼: and i need them  
▲: why?  
▲: oh right  
▲: irony  
▼: ding ding ding give the kid a prize  
▲: what does your bro even do?  
▲: as a job?  
▼: you think hed let me know that  
▼: he is the king of mystery  
▼: forever enveloped in a shroud of plush  
▼: im pretty sure hes a superhero though  
▲: oh what superpowers do you think he would have?  
▼: doesnt even need them  
▼: hes like batman that way  
▼: runs around kicking ass  
▼: doesnt even need to be exposed to radiation  
▼: its just him and lil cal  
▼: singlehandedly daving the city  
▲: is lil cal robin?  
▼: shit saving  
▼: but daving the city would be better anyways  
▲: do you want to be a superhero?  
▲: captain irony?  
▼: eh to much work  
▼: im not really cut out for it anyways  
▼: dont they have to have hearts of gold or whatever  
▲: i don't think batman has a heart of gold  
▼: wouldnt know  
▼: never seen any of the movies  
▲: you should  
▼: they look like shit  
▲: they are  
▲: they would be way better with nic as batman  
▼: you would  
▼: wasnt he already a superhero anyways  
▼: ghost rider  
▲: yeah but he can be batman too  
▼: if it were up to you hed be all of the superheros  
▼: the villains too  
▲: he would be way better than this growly guy  
▼: nic vs nic action  
▲: no  
▲: nic would never go against himself  
▲: hes too awesome for that  
▲: they would be best friends  
▲: and save the world together  
▼: what but that would be pretty cool  
▼: if there were another me  
▼: wed spare all the time  
▲: the world wouldnt be able to take all that irony  
▼: it would probably explode  
▲: then nic cage would save it  
▲: with the other nic cage  
▼: he couldnt handle two of me  
▲: probably not  
▲: but you would have an epic battle  
▲: with lasers  
▼: and robots  
▲: laser shooting robots  
▼: what if our clones were the robots  
▲: robot clones  
▲: oh my god  
▲: but what if they wanted to rebel against us?  
▼: wed call up will smith on the phone  
▼: hes got us covered  
▼: same thing if they end up being aliens  
▲: but what if will smith had an evil alien laser-shooting robot clone?  
▼: well thats what we have bro for isnt it  
▲: oh  
▲: well i guess were safe then  
▼: obviously  
▲: but if you had a clone  
▲: maybe you could both advertise  
▼: double the profits  
▲: and you would get twice as much  
▼: but i dont have anywhere to keep him  
▲: you could freeze him?  
▼: send him to the future  
▲: but what about when you get to the future  
▲: what if he takes over your life  
▼: what no im the main dave  
▼: even a copy of me isnt on par with the real deal  
▲: true  
▲: but if you send him to the future  
▲: how will he advertise for you?  
▼: well shit  
▼: okay how about i just send him to school for me and ill sleep while hes away  
▼: then he can have the bed when im not using it  
▲: i thought you didnt go to school...  
▼: what no social services are already breathing down bros neck like twenty four seven  
▲: wait  
▲: if your clone goes to school for you  
▼: cant skip or theyll give him shit  
▲: wouldnt the clone be smarter than you?  
▼: school smarts arent the same as street smarts  
▼: and street smarts are what matter  
▲: but you'll be sleeping  
▲: so you wont be on the street to learn the smarts?  
▼: shit i wont be sleeping all the time  
▲: what will you do while your clone is at school and your awake?  
▼: whatever i want  
▲: maybe make some sick beats?  
▼: if thats the mood im in  
▼: thats the beauty of freedom egbert  
▲: wow  
▲: now i want a clone  
▼: what thats to much derp  
▲: i'm sure nic cage will help me handle it  
▲: or i'll tell my clone not to be a derp  
▲: but im not a derp  
▼: youre the biggest derp ive ever met  
▲: how many derps have you met?  
▲: and i am in no way derpy  
▼: i just told you i got to school  
▼: go goddamn autocorrect  
▲: so what do you do at school  
▼: i sit surrounded by derps for six hours  
▼: and thats how i know youre the biggest one of all  
▲: oh  
▲: i'm still not a derp  
▲: but i think the people at school are pretty nice  
▲: at least at my school  
▼: well theyre all assholes here  
▼: at least youre arent an asshole  
▲: yeah  
▲: i'm not an asshole!  
▲: i'm cool  
▼: keep telling yourself that kiddo  
▲: will do  
▲: i wish you were here  
▼: wait what  
▲: then we could watch con air together  
▼: that was  
▲: as bros  
▼: sudden  
▼: no way youd be to distracted  
▼: your little heart would break  
▼: trying to decide whos face to look at  
▼: mine or nics  
▼: it would be to much for you to handle  
▲: i would totally look at you  
▼: the whole time  
▲: because i would be amazed that you are here  
▼: well obviously  
▲: then we could watch batman  
▲: and i would show you how nic cage would be much better  
▲: and less growly  
▼: so i haul my cookies all the way to your house  
▼: so we can watch shitty movies  
▲: as long as they aren't from that bitch  
▲: yes  
▼: what no strider house only stocks up on the best of foods  
▼: and that means girl scout cookies  
▲: where do you get girl scout cookies  
▲: i thought you lived in an appartment  
▼: what does that have to do with us getting cookies  
▼: they go door to door here too  
▲: i thought girl scouts didn't go up stairs  
▲: which i guess is kind of stupid  
▼: they have legs dont they  
▲: yeah but i've never seen one go up stairs  
▲: so i just assumed  
▼: shit have you ever even talked to a girl before  
▼: i mean  
▼: in person and stuff  
▲: oh i talk to the girls at school  
▼: sure you do  
▲: they keep giggling and laughing at my teeth and glasses  
▲: so maybe they are assholes  
▲: like the ones at your school  
▼: nah  
▼: that just means they think youre cute  
▼: girls giggle a lot when they like you  
▲: i'm not cute  
▲: i'm cool  
▲: they do?  
▼: i walk in a room and theres this deafening roar of giggles  
▼: its horrifying really  
▲: i'm sure it is  
▲: girls are weird  
▲: except for some  
▼: wait whats this  
▼: egbert  
▼: do you have a crush  
▲: yes  
▼: woah that was easy  
▼: i thought i was going to have to pull some teeth  
▲: on liv tyler  
▲: why would i deny my love?  
The other user has left


	2. Of Meteor Babies, Sopor Baths and Puppets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My new headcannon for Bro. Really, who ever this person is you are amazing. :D
> 
> Also, I figured that Karkat would be just learning the language or something?
> 
> With our parenting skills combined...

Looking for someone to chat with... (so, please wait)  
You are now chatting with a person, say hi.  
▼: the fuck do babies even like anyways  
▲: I DON'T KNOW.  
▲: GIVE IT A SOPOR BATH OR SOMETHING.  
▼: is that like a special baby soap  
▼: fuck i suck at this  
▼: i mean i brought it home and put it in a box with blankets and toys  
▼: but now i have no idea what the fuck to do with the little guy  
▲: WELL THAT WAS KIND OF DUMB.  
▲: ARE YOU SURE IT'S A GUY?  
▼: what babies like puppets right  
▼: well i think so  
▼: it has all the parts  
▲: YOU CHECKED?  
▼: it smelled  
▼: so i tried changing the diaper  
▼: which ended up being a disaster so now he just has about five layers of cloth wrapped around his waist  
▲: YOU ARE A TERRIBLE LUSUS.  
▲: I'M GUESSING YOU'RE IT'S LUSUS.  
▼: im just going to pretend like i know what that word means  
▲: WHY DID YOU EVEN TAKE IT HOME?  
▼: well i couldnt leave him out there  
▼: plus i figured he might have superpowers  
▼: seeing as he arrived via meteor  
▲: YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT TO BE CULLED.  
▲: AND WHY WOULD IT HAVE SUPER POWERS?  
▲: WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS GRUB?  
▲: OR BABY.  
▼: on top of my favorite record store  
▼: or what used to be it  
▲: SCREW YOUR STUPID EARTH HUMAN NOUNS.  
▼: clinging to a horse and not giving a fuck  
▲: WHAT IS A RECORD STORE?  
▼: shit kids these days  
▼: they sell music  
▲: OH.  
▲: I KNEW THAT.  
▼: so i figured it was pretty abnormal  
▼: unless thats how all babies are born  
▼: but im pretty sure its not  
▲: WHY WAS IT CLINGING TO A MUSCLEBEAST?  
▼: hell if i know  
▲: AND DON'T YOU KNOW HOW GRUBS ARE MADE?  
▼: course i do  
▲: MAYBE SOMEONE ABANDONED IT.  
▼: then i guess its their loss  
▲: IT MUST BE A LOWBLOOD OR SOMETHING.  
▼: what  
▲: WHAT COLOUR IS IT'S BLOOD?  
▼: you know i havent really checked  
▼: dont really want to  
▲: WHY NOT?  
▼: but i figure its red  
▲: OH SO IT'S A MUTANT.  
▲: GREAT.  
▼: what no thats normal  
▼: mine is too dumbass  
▲: OH I GUESS IT'S ALRIGHT THEN.  
▲: LOWBLOODS GOT TO STICK TOGETHER OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT?  
▼: what are you even talking about  
▲: UGH.  
▲: HUMANS ARE SO FUCKING DUMB.  
▲: WHAT IS IT DOING NOW?  
▼: youre terrible at trolling  
▼: sleeping i think  
▼: but seriously if youre going to go making up terms at least try to make them believable

(It disconnected at that point. Bluuuuuuuuh)


End file.
